Writer recommends sport alternative

Jacob Dugar, Editor

   Imagine this: you’re out under the lights. You can hear the crowd roar as you finally manage to get past the enemy defense and score the game-winning point.

   This sounds incredible, right? That’s why this school needs a foosball team.

   So, who would coach it? Mr. Engel, duh. What else would he have to do while retired, besides blow stuff up for fun, of course. He would be able to do this due to Rule 10.5.

   Next, we need an area to practice in. I think that Mr. Vander Linden’s tech room has too much space as is, so we can just take over, let’s say, 2/3 of it.

   Now, how will we promote this to the Pioneer League, I know you’re asking? Well, it’s simple. We rent a couple skywriters for every school we want to compete against. The message will read, “You guys would be foos to not join us.”

   The issue of membership comes into play next. Clearly, this team will be a smashing hit, and it will affect the populations of other team, so we would need to put a cap on the number of members.

   Since there can only be two people per team, I’d say we limit the group in total to 40 people, just to make sure we have enough in case someone gets sick or carpal tunnel.

   As for equipment, we would just need uniforms and the table. Popular vote has decided that they should look like bowling uniforms with beanies that we call “foosbeanies.”

   For the table, our very own shop class can make it. After all, they’re not doing anything important, just stuff like tank repairs and house construction.

   Finally, we will need a slogan. Obviously, it should involve the phrase word “foos” somewhere in it, and I think it should be left up to a vote of everyone that joins.