Newspaper production is athletic endeavor

Jacob Dugar, Editor

   Newspaper is sportslike.

   I hear my alarm clock going off and get out of bed for school at approximately 5:45 to begin my morning routine for Newspaper, the most strenuous activity that I have ever been a part of.

   I, along with every other staffer, begin my day with an intensive typing exercise. This will allow me to reach speeds of up to 100 words per minute, which is necessary for all the stories we have to create, compose, and write.

   Once second hour begins, though, that’s where things pick up. Emmy Furman, the ad manager of our glorious staff, said, “In newspaper we start every day by each drinking three egg yolks to get our protein; then we chug a gallon of water. The extra hard core staffers drink Bangs all hour to stay focused, and on a good day we can each get about 100 stories written.”

   Once we get our articles written, we must then edit them. However, we blitz through this process as well, editing up to 10 at a time. The only drawback here is that we never, ever, make original mistakes, so it is really just a wasted day.

   Once our masterpieces are edited, we must filter through them and take out the unworthy stories. We give these to our adoring fans that sit outside of our room every day, cheering us on using a modified T-shirt cannon that shoots the rolled-up papers. They will fight over these valuable pieces of literature, especially since a select few are signed by us.

   Brylee Davis, our photographer, reminisced about the time where she “raced to turn in a photo in 30 seconds while [she] had the entire staff yelling at [her].”

   The final step before delivery is to form the work of genius that is our issue. We listen to Heavy Metal as a team and chant to get mentally prepared for the process that is to begin. After our pre-creation ritual, we charge into the Bat Cave and speed through creating our page layouts, perfectly placing each article and picture with precision and coordination.

   Next up is delivering the paper. This is the most intense part of newspaper. It is what we spend every day preparing for.

   Allie Schneider, one of our most experienced veterans, said, “The rush you get when delivering papers in the hall is insane. Everyone is swarming around you and your goal is to get a paper into each one of their hands. If you don’t have enough speed and efficiency, you can’t do that.”

   Obviously, that is because while we are being swarmed, the glorious fans are fighting each other tooth and nail for the work of art that is our issue. That is what makes all of the practice worth it in the end, to see the joy on the faces of our fans when they get their hands on a paper before they get pulverized by others who want it more.