Instructors lock horns in ongoing shenanigans

Abby Crutchfield, Entertainment Editor

Shane Clapper and Devra Parker argue over the superior brand of sugary drinks. (Yearbook)

Unless you are new to Burlington High School, you have probably heard about the feud that goes on between the teachers in the middle hallway.

   World Culture teacher Shane Clapper seems to be the center of these arguments. “I just like to annoy the ladies of the hall,” he says.

    It is common knowledge that Mr. Clapper likes to drive other teachers insane by waltzing into their rooms in the middle of class with his stuffed animal unicorn. This particular unicorn isn’t a normal toy, it can sing, dance, and walk. It can easily disrupt a class, since it is very distracting.

   Mr. Clapper’s main targets in this ongoing feud are all the English teachers in the middle hallway. They all seem to hate his unicorn quite a bit. Once, the fighting got so serious that Ms. Thomsen kidnapped his unicorn for an entire year!

    “He uses the unicorn as a weapon to distract the freshmen I have in class. It would sing and dance and be distracting, so I took it,” Ms. Thomsen says.

   She even made a ransom note and gave it to Mr. Clapper, but he refused to give her the pop she demanded, so she kept the unicorn.

   Ms. T was planning to give it back after spring break, but school got shut down so she kept it over quarantine. “She took it last semester and didn’t give it back until this year, that’s how mean she is,” says Mr. Clapper.

   Besides Ms. Thomsen, Mr. Clapper likes to annoy other teachers as well.

   He often takes his little unicorn into Mrs. Loucks’ room while she’s teaching. She hates the unicorn with a passion and can’t stand to have it in her room.

   There have been times where Mrs. Loucks tries to retaliate to Mr. Clapper by bringing her entire class into his room while he was teaching, but it does not usually end in her favor. Mr. Clapper claims he wins every single time and will always one up her.

   Mrs. Parker is another one of Mr. Clappers victims. He says he likes Mrs. Parker, but still likes to annoy her.

   So, if you have not yet seen Mr. Clapper’s magical unicorn, try asking him about it.

   However, you must be warned, you may just start up another war.