Student faced with moral dilemma

Dear Jane,

   I have a bit of an issue. I’m in love with my best friend’s brother

   Yes, my best friend’s brother. A punk rock drummer and he’s 6’3″.  I think he’s the one for me.

   I call every day to see if my friend is home, but in reality, I hope he answers. I go to her house when she is gone only to see him. He makes my heart so happy when he shows me new songs he learned.

   I am not sure if I’m his type, though. I am a preppy theatre kid, and he is a rocker kid.

   Sometimes I feel like I want to make a move, but the butterflies in my stomach tell me don’t. He acts like he also wants to make a move, but here comes the issue: my best friend. He’s such a dream and she’d know what I mean if they weren’t related. I don’t want to ruin our friendship by being with him.

   I need help, Jane. What should I do?  I am begging you,

Terrified Tori

Dear Terrified Tori,

   Have you tried talking to your best friend about this? If the only reason you don’t want to make a move is because of your friend, just ask her if she would be okay with you going out with him. If her answer is no, make sure you know exactly what she has an issue with.

   Friends are important to be loyal to, but don’t let it feel suffocating. If it is becoming common for you to have to sacrifice for your friends without good cause, maybe it’s time to take a few steps back from the situation.

   If she is still unsure about the two of you dating, explain the positives. She might end up seeing you more often, and you could come to her family events. Hey, you might one day even be sister-in-laws.

   If you really like this guy, don’t lose him, especially, if you think he likes you as well!

   If your hesitation is more because of your difference of personalities, look on the bright side. He is into rock and you’re into theatre, so I am sure there are at least a few songs the two of you can bond over (Phantom of the Opera is both pretty opera and rock-emo).

   Overall, friendships should never make you feel like you are missing out on other aspects of life. True friends help you and encourage you with things that are important.    

   Do not let this guy ruin your friendships, but also don’t let your friendship with this one person define your life. You don’t want to regret losing this chance.