Unusual experience plagues student

Jane

I have an addiction to garden gnomes. I have 73 garden gnomes in my house and garden.

   My favorite gnome is Greg. The problem is he keeps moving, even though I am not moving him.

   Is Greg moving by himself? I have also noticed that my other gnomes are moving.

   Am I in danger? Are they building an army? I am too scared to sleep, so I just chug Five Hour Energies so I stay awake. I think I am going crazy. What do I do?

     Gnomie Nelly

Dear Gnomie Nelly,

   Everyone has strange addictions, but yours is out of the ordinary. You have an excessive amount of gnomes.

   In my opinion, I think Greg is possessed. Yes, he is moving by himself. He is helping his friends from the other side, possess the other gnomes. That is why all of them are starting to move.

   They are creating an army, and they are going to try an take over the world. The only way to stop this is to get a priest. There will have to be an exorcism.

   Once you kill the leader, the others will fall after him. Take my advic and instruction and you are in no danger.

Good luck, Jane