Dance prep goes bad

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Dear Jane,

Prom is approaching very quickly and I’ve been looking real pale lately, so I decided to go to a tanning salon for a thick spray tan.

   I asked around a lot, and everyone said that everything would be all right and that you won’t even be able to tell, but you very much can.

   As I stood there naked, getting sprayed with that orangy brown liquid, my nose started itching and it came; I sneezed.

  Now it wasn’t just a cute little “teehee achoo”; no it was a SNEEZE. When I got home, I looked in the mirror and there I saw was a crinkled patchy cheeto.

    What do I do?? I can’t go to Prom looking like this!

    Please help, Jane, please.

    Patchy Patricia

Dear Patchy Patricia,

    I’ve gotten many letters about this incident; seems like there might be a bad batch of stuff at that place. Also that really stinks about your sneezing…. I assume you’ve showered; if not I’d get on that.

    Anyway if nothing works, you MUST embrace it.  Look inside yourself and find your inner Donald Trump; he might not be a great person, but he is rich and that’s something I guess.

   If what I’ve heard is true, you won’t be the only one at Prom looking like a “crinkled patchy cheeto.” Maybe make your date dress up as Ivanka, it will look very planned, and it will show that you guys are way superior to gender standards.

Good luck, girl,


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