Issue #10: Procrastination has advantages

Jacob Dugar, Editorial Editor

Greetings, Burlingtonians and avid fans. I am back for the final issue of this newspaper until next year, where you can expect to see me again. Well, let’s get right into the topic of this article: the advantages of procrastination.

First off let me praise the feeling you get in your stomach while doing that precious last-minute work. It feels like the butterflies that you get when you’re about to conquer a fear of some kind.

This is also the same feeling you get when you’re about to do something that makes you nervous, but is good, like asking someone out or going on a roller coaster.

Another benefit is the increased heart rate that happens while those gross deadlines approach. Do you know what increased heart rate means? It means that blood is being pumped through your body faster, and that you’re burning calories. So, procrastination can lead to weight loss.

Something else to consider is the speed at which your work gets done. I know that, in my experience, I can get an entire week’s worth of assignments done in about four hours, if I put my mind to it.

Some may say that this means the work is lackluster in quality, but I can assure you that this is not the case. In fact, I do better work whenever I am on the edge of a due date.

This directly allows you more time to do what you like, since now your free time isn’t filled with that pesky homework.

You can actually do whatever makes you happy while ignoring your work until the day before it’s due, like playing video games, hanging out with friends, and other things that normal people do for fun.

Finally, it directly takes years off of your life. You’re probably asking yourself, “How is this a good thing, Jacob the All Knowing?” Well, I’ll tell you.

In the distant future, the world will probably be dying even more than it is now, either a tyrannical government or corporations will have taken over, and Club Penguin will still be shut down. Who would want to live through that?