Issue #8: History lesson covers 70’s decade

Emmy Furman, Editor-in-Chief

I am back by popular demand for another completely true history lesson. Please remember these are based of facts, and I am here to tell the real stories that you do not get from any history classes.

Today I will be teaching about the 70’s. When we think of this time period, the first thing that comes to mind is hippies, but do you really know what hippies were? They were actually hippos.

These hippos thrived during this time. They chilled out and sniffed dandelions all day, and they loved tie-dye.

They started a movement and protested the great tiger-gorilla war. They wanted peace throughout their jungle.

The humans, meanwhile, were having their own war struggles. When they saw what the hippo hippies were doing, they decided to join their movement, only they would protest the Vietnam War.

Many great things took place in the 70’s. The decade stared off with NASA’s Apollo 13 mission. Their goal was to get to the moon, but we all know that they did not quite make it.

The leader on the ship was Tom Hanks. He was in charge of the mission and was determined to make it to the moon. Unfortunately, a few mistakes were made.

Before take-off, the food crew made some miscalculations and did not supply enough food for the duration of the trip. The team only realized this when they were almost to the moon. Tom knew that if he did not turn the ship around, they would starve before they could get back to Earth. It was devastating to NASA.

Now what we all came for:  Barbara Loucks. Where was she during all of this?  She was in middle school through high school during the 70’s.

She was not a hippie; however, she liked bell bottoms and flower power decals. I like to picture her being like Donna from that 70’s show.

 Disclaimer: This editorial is not true; as always, it is a joke. Except for the Loucks part. That is very true.