American Revolution truths revealed

Emmy Furman, Editor in Chief

My last history lesson was a hit among the readers of our paper, so I am giving the people what they want, and that is my knowledge of history.

   This lesson will be over the American Revolution. The revolution was led by Alexander Hamilton, as everyone knows, but most people do not know that he later changed his name to Lin-Manuel Miranda.

   He also now stars in his own show on Broadway, but that’s besides the point.

   Back to the lesson. Hamilton led a hate group against the Europeans called the “Federalists.” This group wanted nothing more than to separate from the king, so they banded together to form an army.

   They recruited pirates to join their army (this part is actually true). According to ace-historian Brylee Huber, America at the time did not have a good navy like the British did, so they asked for the help of pirates.

   In return, the pirates could take anything they wanted from the ships.

   But what Brylee does not know is that one of the pirates was Jack Sparrow, who later changed his name to Johnny Depp.

   Sparrow was the commander of the pirate navy and worked with Hamilton to defeat the British.

   After the war, Hamilton and Jack lived happily ever after as the Presidents of America, until they retired and moved on to show biz.

   Thank you for coming to another one of my history lessons. Come back again next month to learn about Julius Caesar.

   Disclaimer: The information in the article is not “true.”