Junior reveals cursed comments within ‘Publications Cave’

Seth Jarvis, Editor in Chief

I have been on the newspaper staff for about a year now. This year we had seven veterans return to the staff of the newspaper. It is definitely an odd, chaotic group.

   This year, we had five newbies join us. It seems these people have only increased the relative insanity of the paper.

   In order to prove these claims, I have made a transcript showcasing all the strange and awesome things  that are said in The Cave.

   The transcript has shown that there are individuals who contribute most to the chaos of the room. The opening line of the transcript is this quote from Jacob Dugar; “That’s how you know I’m your friend; I treat you like trash.” Truly wise words to live by.

   Going forward a bit, the group began to discuss the possibility of a future gaming club. Eventually the amazing god, Watersheep, was brought up. Zach Garner said, “It should be called the Cult of Watersheep Club.”

   Brylee responded with “If you don’t know the Cult of Watersheep, you’re out.” It is from this, I have learned about the beauty of PewDiePie’s minecraft series.

   Right after this, Barbara Loucks shut down the newspaper to give us a dire warning. If phones continue to leave the room, than thou shalt face serious consequences. Also, hall passes are now party hats.

   Jacob continued to be his usually odd self throughout the hour. “That’s hot. I don’t know what you expected me to answer; I have stayed consistent with my responses to gross and weird questions.” This man is the wisest of all of the newspaper staff.

   My personal favorite part of the conversation, however, was the argument at the end. Kameron dared to challenge the greatness of The Office and Parks and Recreation.

   “How do you guys cry at the end of these stupid shows?” she asked evilly.

   This struck a nerve with Jacob who valiantly defended the honor of those shows. “Let’s fight; I’m sorry my humor is so lowbrow. Are you lonely on your pedestal?” he asked  Kameron with the smugness of Ben Shapiro.

   Somehow, Jacob ended up praising Thomas Unruh afterward.

   Of course, it is not all weird conversations in newspaper. There is work that gets done. Caedon Berkenmeier was quiet for almost the entire hour. The only time I got him on the transcript was when he asked a question relevant to newspaper work. He is clearly Barbara’s favorite.

   The strangeness of this newspaper crew is what makes it great. It keeps our spirits up, as we face the impending doom of the deadlines. It also helps show the creativity of the members.

   This group is truly unique and I would not change it.