Horrible illnesses plague Burlington High School

Allison Schneider, Entertainment Editor

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Diseases have recently been running rampant among the teenagers of Burlington High School and this could possibly be an epidemic. These illnesses are all different and show different symptoms that can range from: the irresistible urge to wear a chain to finding yourself randomly saying, “sksksksksksk.” Now if you seem to be experiencing any of the symptoms stated in this story please talk to a newspaper representative immediately.

   First we start with Vscoitus. This is one of the more known recently and can be identified early when someone starts bringing a hydroflask to school. This may be small but it then grows into an obsession with scrunchies and making friendship bracelets. One of the most severe symptoms is the involvement of “and I oop” into their speech. An example of what to watch out for is our own staffer Delani Nichols.

   Next we have what’s been named Bad Blood Baddie. What to look out for is that they can somehow find curved doors to take pictures in front of, yet they disappear when someone else goes to find this door.

   One of the sadder symptoms that will affect more than just the person is that she will attempt to force her little brother to take her Instagram pictures. Like Vscoitus verbal symptoms are a thing, you may find someone saying, “Period” anytime she can.

   Now is the Egirl Epidemic; our own Emmy Furman is sadly affected by this. Symptoms may include constantly sticking their tongue out, only knowing tik tok songs, also thinking you are an insta baddie but really you are only an egirl.

   Also, if they get on the tik tok fyp once you’ll never hear the end of it because now they are “famous” and “have internet clout”

Now most of these may have mainly affected females the Frat Flu targets mainly guys who are emotionally vulnerable. People affected will find themselves being racist, adopting conservative views, and being pro-life till it affects them.

   Beware anyone who decides to be in a relationship with someone who has this because no doubt he will cheat on you with either a needy freshman or a sorority girl way out of his league. Also this persons wardrobe will quickly be filled with khakis, polos, and boat shoes.

   Next is a sad sad one named Quirky Quakes. Someone experiencing this will wear a old rock band t-shirt but know absolutely no songs from this band. They also will no doubt tuck in every shirt possible cause “it’s fashionable.” Also, this person watches PewDiePie and radiates hard-core vodka aunt energy.

   Finally we have the scariest of them all, Peppa Pox (Peppa what are you doing in my back to school edition). This person is probably a theater kid who snorts when He/she laugh, and cant whistle.

He/She will show up in the randomest places when its least convenient. This person will say something funny and be cool for five minutes then ride that high for the rest of his/her life.

   These are only a few of these terrible diseases that affect the people around us but there are many more. But for now please keep an eye out for the symptoms stated so you could possibly save a friend’s life.

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