Newspaper staff prepares for Prom night

Emmy Furman, News Editor

   With Prom just around the corner,   the newspaper staff is busy doing their pre-Prom rituals. If you are struggling with finding a good routine, we are here to help you look and feel your absolute best.

   First off, Danny Manny wants to explain how she makes her body look amazing in her dress. “I eat a lot right before Prom so I can look plump and thicc,” she said. Also she makes sure to stay inside so her dress will compliment her pale skin.

   Obviously the most important part of Prom is your date. Abby Fin prepares by seeking out the hottest date she could possibly find.

   Alliecat has the best tips on how to make your makeup look its finest. She cries an hour before she has it done. The red and puffiness of the eyes really makes them pop.

   Kam Cole makes sure to get a spray tan before the big day. She would not want anyone catching her looking pale.

   T-Pain has the best way to get in shape to make sure she can dance the night away without getting too worn out. She takes Soul Cycle classes so she can throw it back on the dance floor.

   Zachity, A.K.A. the Roach, needs to look as tall as possible so he wears five-inch platform shoes. He also tells his date that she has to wear flats (it’s a masculinity thing.)

   A.J. spends her week before Prom filled with anxiety. She prepares by scheduling three extra therapy sessions, since she knows the night will be filled with unfulfilled expectations.

   Sethel’s routine is a little more strange than the rest of the staff’s. First he makes sure his goddess, Veronica, is doing okay before he leaves. Then he finds a crab to sacrifice and cuts it open to see if the omens are correct for him to go to the dance.

  Loucksy prepares by grabbing her camera and hyping herself up for a long night of pictures, and mostly interrupting couples slow dancing with blinding flash.

   And lastly everyone’s favorite dumb blonde of the staff, myself. I prepare by finding the longest extensions I can find. Even though I just chopped off all my hair, Prom is a time for long locks. Also I will get a spray tan (again) and try my best to make it look as spotty as possible. I’m going for the cheetah look this year.