Staffer attacks Lorax with fake news

Seth Jarvis, Editorial Editor

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The Lorax is a terrible movie. It is a disgusting piece of garbage that never should’ve been created in the first place. It’s sudden rise to fame is a sign of the decline of western civilization. We are about to become Rome 2.0 thanks to movies such as these.

   First, let me talk about the characters. They are all just complete disgusting pieces of human muck. Ted, the protagonist,  is a very plastic and generic character. I mean how many characters in movies and TV shows have you seen that are exactly like Ted? A lot, there are tons of protagonists who feel different and think they are special. It is super boring to have just have another that is the same as all the rest.   Along with this, his love interest is so boring and uninspired that I am not even going to name her.

   The main bad guy O’Hare, is nothing more than a stereotypical bad guy. He is the same cookie cutter “evil CEO who wants to destroy the environment for money.” Honestly, were these people even trying when they were making the characters?

   However, these are not even the most despicable cast members. The worst one, by far, is the Lorax himself. I can not even begin to describe the burning hatred I feel whenever he enters my head. First,  he looks really stupid. He has a disgusting mustache with vomit inducing eyebrows. His hair is a terrible color as well. Why the heck would you use the color orange to represent a defender of the environment? He is also stupidly short.

   Also nothing, and I mean nothing, could possibly compare to his terrible personality. The Lorax is a nosey narwhal who thinks he is better than everyone. He stands in the way of a legal business venture for the sake of his own communistic goals. He is the hero, they say! He is not; the Lorax is an evil snake who should’ve been destroyed by the Once-ler the second he stepped on his private property.

   The plot of this movie is also uninspired and horrendous. It is the same evil corporation vs. the people story that has been told a thousand times. The writing of the story is terrible, and I think it is very uninspired. The thing that really brings this movie down though is the music.

   I hate the music of this movie. Every single song in this piece of trash is terrible. First we got “Thneedville” is a very annoying tune that is as banal as the thousands of songs just like it that came before.How Bad Can I Be” is the perfect one to describe itself and the movie. The song just sounds like someone playing a guitar with no inspiration whatsoever.

   Now the worst song of all is “Let it Grow”. The song at the climax of this  disturbingly bad movie is also the worst one. Everyone who sings that song is an annoying gopher. I hate this song and I wanted to die after hearing it. I wanted my eardrums to explode so I would never have to here this song again. The people who made this tune are some of the worst in writers and people in history.

   This movie is obvious liberal SJW propaganda meant to destroy the conservative values of America. The “environmental protection” message is a not so subtle attempt to brainwash the children of  America into believing in the lie of global warming. I bet George Soros is smiling at the sight of his plan succeeding.

   The Once-ler is the true hero of the story. No, I am not talking about the older version of him after he pathetically walked back on the values of capitalism and consumerism; I am talking about the strong and proud younger version of himself. He created a new product and industrialized a great section of the world. He created thousands of new jobs and made a whole new industry.

   In the end I can only say one thing; every single copy of this movie must be destroyed. The Pope needs to call for a new crusade so each and every copy of this movie can be destroyed. I ask everyone reading this to please join the fight against this menace to our society.

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