Please take us to Prom

Haley Haines, News Editor

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Right around this time is when upperclassmen think about who they should take to Prom, and the underclassmen think about what they can do to get someone to take them.

   I’ve asked a few members in the Burlington newspaper staff who would like to be considered for this dance. Here are a few examples.

   Junior Abby Finlayson has this to say, “My grandma is the best at making popcorn balls, I’M ONLY 5’4, and I’ll even wear camo if you want.” For serious inquirees only, you can contact her snapchat at @abby_finlayson5.

   Sophomore Allie Schneider said, “I do origami on soft summer nights. I mean I look busted now, but I’ll clean up, I promise. I’m not as sad as I look. Oh, I also make a mean crepe.” All you dessert lovers should consider Allie.

   Another sophomore, Emmy Furman, has certain standards for her date. “If you wanna win me over, show me pictures of your dog; you can choose the color, but I look best in red. I’m only 5’3, so heels are part of the deal. Oh, and if you take me on a date, remember I don’t eat meat.”

   Junior Kameron Cole has interesting demands as well. “No one likes me; I’m so ugly that I’m a little cute; makeup enhances me x 20. No one is gonna go with me anyways, so I don’t even know why this profile is being made. P.S. I have hair weaves, but I’ll get a new one when Prom comes.”

   Next up is a sophomore by the name of Seth Jarvis. “I am Seth and I am a meme machine; you can find me looking at memes and running around town to distract myself from the pain of existence. I love looking at warm sunsets and thinking about the inevitable nuclear war that will end the human race. Please take me; I’m lonely. I’m also a [true] communist.” All you upperclassmen better look into this guy.

   Newspaper advisor Sandy Loucks has a strict plan for this upcoming Prom.”I mean, I’ll be there, but I don’t want my husband following me around while I take pictures. If I had to pick a date, it would be British actor Colin Firth, but don’t tell my husband.”

   Last but not least, junior AJ Lank also has a few things to say about being asked. “I’m really good at taking care of people and I have OCD, so I’m always clean. I’m also obsessed with sea turtles, which is why my favorite number is 90,754: the estimated population of sea turtles.”

   Hearing all of these expectations and facts about a few people who haven’t been asked yet should definitely open up more options for those looking for a date.

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