Branden’s Bombshell: Surviving awkward situations is possible

Branden Alford, Editor-in-Chief

Welcome back to Burlington High School from your lone senior editor of Cat Tracks newspaper! This year is going to be great, especially after you read these great tips on how to overcome literally every single event  in high school that you may encounter that actually matters. Listen to me and you will live to tell the tale.

   The first situation is particularly tricky. When walking in the hallway alone, you may find yourself caught between two couples more entranced in each other than with making it to their next class. Your first option is to simply to mimic a piece of paper and slide beside them along the wall. If this proves impossible, charge between them like a rude rhino. This is always effective.

   The hallways of BHS are a confusing place in other ways, like when people walk on the wrong side of the halls, unwilling to change their course of direction. When you find one of these people, play a little game of chicken. Continue walking while clucking uncontrollably. They will be forced to move out of your way.

   If you find yourself actually bumping someone in the hallway, there is nothing that can be done. It was nice knowing you.

   In class, there are many embarrassing moments as well that we all would rather live without. We’ve all been there, staring blankly back at the teacher after he or she asks a question to which you have no answer. Instead of making yourself look dumb, seize the opportunity and demonstrate your ability to dab repeatedly. Eventually, they will be forced to move on to the next person in line.

   Next, if you are one of the many upperclassmen in this school, the question “Is that a new student over there?” comes to mind frequently throughout the day. In all likelihood, it is probably just another freshman. Move on and introduce yourself later.

   Then, we all have those friends who watch every movie or TV show known to man and reference them constantly, even though everyone has no clue what they are talking about. If you find yourself in this situation, start a random tirade about whatever topic you prefer and walk away in hopes that they don’t follow. Make them look like the dumb one talking to themselves!

   Almost done…here’s another weird scenario.  Some people in this high school are too friendly for their own good, waving at their friends in the hallway, hoping to brighten their day. Often, those individuals don’t see your friendly gesture and continue walking, leaving you in a crowd of people who think you are insane. Instead of letting them think so, make them sure of it and say, “It’s just an inside joke.”

   Finally, there are many times in life where one must choose between playing with a puppy and finishing homework. If you don’t choose the puppy every time, there is obviously something very wrong with you.

    Follow these instructions exactly and you will most definitely survive high school!