Staying warm is possible

Rose Wahlmeier, Editor in Chief

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The cuddle season is coming. Most of you probably already know this because maybe you’re looking forward to it, but there are some people who may be regretting this time because they are lonely.
Don’t worry, single people; I’m here to help your sad lives. It’s quite easy to fill the emptiness of a non-boyfriend/girlfriend.
The first thing you need to do is buy a huge teddy bear. This is good for two reasons: you’re spending money on yourself because YOU ARE IMPORTANT, and you have a big fluffy bear to cuddle with!
Two, you must have a stock of ice cream ready at all times. It will fill the empty hole you feel inside of you.
Don’t forget to binge-watch Hallmark movies for an entire day. Viewing couples falling in love will make you feel wonderful about your life.
If you’re really struggling, then you need to buy “The Boyfriend Pillow.” It is a fluffy snuggle buddy that has a arm to make you feel secure.
Don’t fear, all you unattached people. There will come a day when you’ll be taken and these tips won’t be needed.
You won’t have to pretend that someone is playing with your hair, (when it is actually your cat).
You won’t have to act like that teddy bear is making you happy because we all know that fur is not satisfying.
Everything will be okay, single children. You are lovable, and someone will find you. Keep your chin up and watch Christmas movies.

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