Newspaper staffer secretly analyzes unusual habits of eccentric publications leader

Rose Wahlmeier, News Editor

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Mrs. Loucks was born on August 30th, 19…well she wouldn’t say. Anyway, this day still went down in history, although she resents her mother for not waiting four more months so she could be a 60’s child. Her hobbies include riding unicycles, correcting grammar, petting cats, and cuddling Rose. She is quite proud of the fact she can still do a cartwheel. She is a very limber woman. Her husband is a quiet soul, who enjoyed stealing Mrs. Parker’s All Shook Up jelly beans. Mrs. Loucks and her husband gave birth to three little ones, plus two stepchildren. She treats her three cats with the same love and care she gives her children. Mrs. Loucks seems to have a dirtier mind than the average high school student, but doesn’t like to admit it (this is useful for censoring things in our newspaper, though). She likes to command people to pet one another when they are sad. I think she believes we are all cats. Being a teacher, Mrs. Loucks has a little badge so people don’t think she is a intruder, but she tends to lose this a lot…..especially in the bathroom. She also enjoys squealing when Newspaper messes something up, then laughs and blows it off. She is a very odd person, but everyone seems to love her. We long for the day she brings her cats to school. There are three: Mama Kitty, Molly Bear, and Sarah Plain and Yellow. I admire these name choices. That is all I have to say.

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